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I can imagine it now: on April 12, 1991, Hiroyuki Hashimoto is drunk after a long cherry blossom viewing party with his new coworkers, who he pretends to like. He wasn't a good student but he was chosen by this company, so he's stuck here for better or worse. He could have been something more, but couldn't we all have? His duty is clear. With his first paycheck he has deigns on purchasing a new Super Famicom with some of this month's earnings, and he aches for Actraiser, Final Fight, and the upcoming SimCity, all components of the system's strong launch lineup.

I guess there's a new Pikmin game coming out this Christmas for this new Wii, and Nintendo Land and some other stuff. It's gonna have the tablet controller, and some new firmware, and it's gonna have HD! But man, I just cannot muster up even the tiniest squirt of enthusiasm when it comes to talking or thinking about it, whatsoever. Not even a single drop of my liquids eke out for it, nary a vapor.

There're no shortage of impressions clogging up the Inters when it comes to the as-of-yet unreleased 3DS XL, and though I haven't read all of them because my life will not continue for 328 years, it seems that most people have decided to focus on a few of the most obvious things, things that will be immediately apparent to any turd that picks one up and uses it for more than three seconds.

What is it about Punch-Out!!, really, that keeps me at it? I've been trying for the sake of an article to finish the gold cartridge Punch-Out!! for the better part of a week now, having crushed the first two of the game's three circuits with little trouble, but find myself now kind of stuck in the six-boxer final gauntlet: Rematches with Piston Honda, Bald Bull, Dan Flamenco, the annoyance of Soda Popinski, the frustrating Mr.

I didn't get a chance to attend E3 this year, so I was left to the devices of those lucky masses of internet journalists and their investigative sensibilities. Whatever they described or filmed was all I had to sate my obsessively detail-oriented curiosities. As expected, I was not satisfied. Can you perform a spin jump in New Super Mario Bros. U without shaking the controller? Does Pikmin 3 use MotionPlus for its aiming, like Shigeru Miyamoto mentioned in his on-stage demonstration, or infrared like reported in virtually every single media hands-on?

I'm sittin' at Maiko Beach next to a plastic bag of empty cans at a farewell party, cause as is common in my profession, which is the instruction of the youth of Japan in the foreign ways, the industry sees a lot of seasonal turnover. The guy next to me is trying to get rid of some old stuff he's got kicking around, and he knows I'm into Nintendo from my incessant Facebook posts constantly parading around my old-ass Famicom gets.

Kid Icarus Uprising is a game I was looking forward to. While it was in development, I read every scrap of info dribbled to the press. I watched the silly promo cartoons downloadable on the 3DS. It is a game that I pre-ordered and awaited the delivery of with impatience. It is a game, I'm frustrated to admit, that I tried and failed to play. You see, I just so happen to be left-handed.

I never beat Pushmo, because it is hard as hell. The person who lives in the same house as me has stolen the 3DS on occasion to grind through a few levels, but I think neither of us will probably ever reach the diabolical end. Anyway, who cares about all that. We've done enough pushin' anyway. But I am not done with Pushmo! The little guy, I mean, the little Mo, who I call Pushmo even if that is not his name.

As just about every major disaster comes and goes, a single question tends to percolate to the brim of public consciousness: how soon is too soon? That is to say, how far in time must we be distanced from an event until we can analyze it with some sense of objectivity and without the immediate sense of horror or disappointment? Speaking of disasters, Nintendo's tragic "loss" of E3 2012 may not have warranted space on the front pages of the world's major broadsheets, but within the fishbowl world of Nintendo and its eager dependants, this single event might almost be considered Nintendo's very own Dunkirk.

Take a look at these two games here. Go ahead, check them out! We have Hogan's Alley there on the left, and Duck Hunt on the right. Can you see any differences between them? I mean sure, Hogan's Alley has this strangely happy-lookin' cop holding a standard issue blue hippie-beater, and Duck Hunt has the goddamned hunting dog there looking way cuter than he ever does in the actual game, they are different games yeah yeah.