The Press: Volume 2 / page 6 / nsidr

New Intern Awkwardly Suggests Nin-eleven-do as New Console Title

Newly hired Nintendo of America intern Greg Johnson caused a great deal of discomfort at a regular staff meeting Thursday after misinterpreting the significance of the company's name in a great show of ignorance.

"We all knew as soon as Greg opened his mouth that something embarassingly stupid was going to come out, but I don't think any of us expected anything like that," said Gayle Collins, VP of Human Resources.

"He was all like "you know what we should call Revolution, we should call it like, Nin-eleven-do, since we already have Nintendo, wouldn't that make sense?""

Reportedly the intern is no longer permitted to sit with the rest of the staff during lunch. His car has also been reported vandalized numerous times, and as The Press reporters caught up with him Monday, he was seen hanging solely by his underpants from the company basketball hoop.

Local Superhero "E-Man" Tired of Being Poked

"Is it so much to ask?" said local superhero and bastion of glory for many, E-Man, in a recent press conference. "It is really so much to ask to have you all stop poking me?" E-Man is reportedly quite tired of being poked by random children and easily persuaded adults.

"They must be getting it from somewhere," E-Man told Press reporters. "Someone must be telling them to poke me, to poke E-Man, but I don't know where anyone would get such crazy ideas."

This is not the first time E-Man has suffered such annoyance. Last summer's television series "Kickéman" and "Burnéman" are also widely regarded as catalysts for E-Man's recent mistreatment.

E-Man is quite discouraged but has come to expect such punishment. "I swear, the next guy who tries to poke E-Man has something else coming," he said earlier today in a media statement. "Someone has to think about what happens every time you say "poke E-Man.""

"Who Are You?" Campaign Inadvertently Devised by Senile Marketing Executive

It was revealed yesterday to The Press that the defining Nintendo advertising campaign "Who Are You?" was devised by geriatric marketing executive Wilbur Cunning during an encounter with the company's president in the hallway.

"I bumped into Wilbur in the hall the other day," said Nintendo president Tatsumi Kimishima. "I asked him "hey Wilbur, how's that new ad campaign coming?" He gave me the strangest look and just said "Who are you?" Brilliant, isn't it?"

Some employees of the company don't share Kimishima's enthusiasm.

"It was pretty obvious from the start what had happened," said Brian Horn of the marketing department. "Wilbur lost his marbles some time ago - I guess it's finally working out for him."

Word around the company is that Wilbur is hard at work on his next edgy marketing campaign featuring the slogan, "You're not my wife, where's my wife, is she dead, oh God is she dead?!"

Mario Not Actually Missing; Spotted in Mario Bros., Donkey Kong, Super Mario Bros., Super Mario Bros. 2, Super Mario Bros. 3, Super Mario World, Super Mario World 2, Super Mario 64, Super Mario 64 DS, Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga, Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour, Super Mario Kart, Mario Party 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6, Mario Pinball Land, Mario vs. Donkey Kong, Mario's Picross, Super Mario Land, Super Mario Land 2, Mario Power Tennis, Mario Kart: Double Dash, Super Mario RPG, Mario Paint, Hotel Mario, Dr. Mario, Mario's Time Machine and Others

Word on the street is that Mario isn't actually missing as earlier thought and can be found in Mario Bros., Donkey Kong, Super Mario Bros., Super Mario Bros. 2, Super Mario Bros. 3, Super Mario World, Super Mario World 2, Super Mario 64, Super Mario 64 DS, Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga, Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour, Super Mario Kart, Mario Party 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6, Mario Pinball Land, Mario vs. Donkey Kong, Mario's Picross, Super Mario Land, Super Mario Land 2, Mario Power Tennis, Mario Kart: Double Dash, Super Mario RPG, Mario Paint, Hotel Mario, Dr. Mario, Mario's Time Machine, and many other games.