| Volume 1, Issue 1 | 20 October 2004 |
Al-Koopa Terrorists Strike Crowded Shopping Mall with Rapid Moving Red Shell
(Shopping Center, MUSHROOM KINGDOM) - Hundreds are shortened after a fierce shell attack at a crowded Mushroom Kingdom mall this afternoon.
In a statement posted on their website, the Al-Koopa terrorist network claimed responsibility for the strike, citing that the innocent shoppers were "infidels," and that "shopping for various suits and power-ups to destroy the Koopa race [was] despicable."
This is the third such attack in as many levels, coming just off the heels of the recent Mushroom Kingdom occupation of the Koopa Kingdom made possible by the rapid, record time defeat of King Koopa at the hands of Mario, which many critics claim left many enemies undefeated.
Many shoppers were simply browsing casually around the mall's warp-pipes, some collecting coins as loud time buzzers went off and fireworks exploded, when terror struck in the power-up section of the large central shopping district.
"I had just gotten my fireball flower thing," said Frank Jackson, one of the victims in the attack. "A couple of Troopas came out from the overalls rack and the blue one kicked the red one at us. It was horrific." Jackson was personally affected, as well. "Yeah, I saw it coming at me and for some reason I ducked instead of jumped. I heard this weird noise and then my suit flashed colors and turned back to normal."
Others were not so lucky. Several citizens found themselves with lost lives after being attacked while already in a small form.
Well-known retainer Toad, 19, found himself of shortened stature before he even knew what was going on.
"I was just breaking those inexplicably floating bricks with my head," he said, "when out of nowhere this shell hit me and I froze. When I snapped out of it I was half my normal size," Toad said from his adorably tiny hospital bed.
Officials responded quickly to the matter, dispatching the Toadstool Relief Squad to dispense power-up mushrooms and invulnerability stars to the more traumatized victims.
Mall security has stated that they will increase the amount of defense they currently have against Koopa attacks, but are, as usual, less than optimistic about the benefit it may provide.
"It's hard telling where a Koopa Troopa will pop up," one representative said. "They're always just pacing around, as if constantly ready to strike.
Front Page | 20 October 2004 Edition