[10.19] XVII - Invention of Colors
This Containers is different from last time's. I don't really know why but it just sort of feels different. Do you ever feel like sometimes you might do something for an audience and then the next time it's just like you're standing alone on a stage by yourself and dancing and screaming and doing cartwheels but there's absolutely nobody in the seats cause you've just accepted that they're full?
I sort of feel that way. I love using this column as an outlet for silly graphics and menial responses and I can't deny that path's appeal; that's the way it's progressed and a return to some 'ideal' format that would never work (read: real questions and factual answers) is just impossible, and, frankly, not preferable.
For now, I feel like I'm talking to one of you, one devout reader who maybe hasn't ever even written me a letter. You started reading maybe around the ninth column or so, pick whatever one you want just for fun, just stumbled onto N-Sider from some random link while looking for news, you know. And you've stuck around, maybe read the forums and never registered, and you've seen the "now hiring" things from time to time and you haven't applied but you read my column, you read our columns, you read them and they make you laugh or make you forget about some boring stressful shit that flies around in daily life like maybe your phone bill or your rent that you need to pay tomorrow or that huge essay you've got coming up and still haven't done any work for. Your family, maybe. Your friends. Job. Religion, arguments, messy room, pile of dirty clothes. Maybe you've read to forget or maybe you've read to be entertained.
This isn't an elegy, it's an introduction, the real one, the one I seriously, honestly think about every single time I sit down to write one of these damned things and make fun of you and make fun of myself and talk about Nintendo games, just like all of us have always done ever since we started playing the things to forget or be entertained in the first place.
Do you ever ponder why you do what you're doing? Do you ever wonder, honestly, what draws you to something besides a feeling of duty? Can you say that you believe entirely in what you're doing, no matter how insignificant it might seem to someone who doesn't understand it?
Sometimes the column is late and sometimes the column is early. Actually I think the column has only been early one time ever. But you know, you might think I just blow it off and say quietly "I don't care enough to do that column." Honestly, what I think of when I'm doing other things that I have to do for school or work or some other damn thing is N-Sider and how I wish I had more to offer it and offer all of you. Not that exact phrase but some firing of synapses superior to the words that represent them. I don't write here solely for the OODLES OF FAME (weeee!) or the joy of seeing my tiny little 10-point name in e-print or the knowledge that some huge companies regularly read the site. I write because I remember when I first started playing Nintendo and I remember when I first started reading videogame columns and mailbags and websites and I remember when I first started reading N-Sider, and I remember sometimes not having a damned place to turn to outside of those eight- and sixteen- and whatever the hell they're at now- bit worlds.
So here's your column, anonymous reader, and I hope for christsakes that it makes you forget about whatever yelling or knocking or arguing or ridiculous bullshit is going on behind you. It still works for me and I'm on this side of the screen.
| Alan! |
Ah man, I was going to write on this week on the topic, but...um...I didn't.
And considering I have an emergency to attend to, I won't really be able to make a substantial letter as I will be gone for a week. So in order to componsate for this tradegy in internet litterature, I will inclose a picture of one of my friends with his shirt off for absolutely no reason.
Yeah...that's the stuff.
-Alan
| Yeah, OK |
The topic for this week was DS craziness and what the hell it all meant. But really I was untimely and just ended up riding the hype wave like everyone else. As a result, I got very few on-topic letters. Not that I can blame you because it was a pretty boring topic.
My friend Alan here seemed to circumvent the problem by sending in this entirely obscene picture of his "friend."
Yeah, Alan. Okay.
P.S. Your "friend" seriously needs to reconsider his choice in wall-mounted novelty beer clocks.
| OMG NOOB |
Hi, Brandon. I'm a first-time writer for Heart Containers. I think it's nice that your name's Brandon because it's the same name as my other e-mail bag guy. Only, his bags are updated daily instead of every three months! What's the deal with that?
Your bags are bigger, though--most of the time. I expect a lot of response on the DS topic. Most people speculate that the DS will be able to act as a link in a long chain (or web) of units, so that if A is connect to B, and B is connected to C, A can connect to C. This would be nice, but what happens if guy B turns his DS off? That would suck.
So, I tend to think that the DS mystery has something to do with hot-spots, as noted by Iwata's Pokemon movie/download example. Perhaps, hot-spots could be set up quite easily.
Perhaps, even the Revolution could act as a hot spot...
- Edward James Olmos
| Errata |
Hello, first-time writer. I am glad you wrote to me.
The reason I do not update daily is because I dislike N-Sider and spend all of my time stuffing chicken with glue and taco sauce. Also I have real-world issues like hernias, menengitis, and mononucleosis to contend with. Not really though.
You expect a lot of response on the DS topic but are wrong! Everyone must be burned out in regards to talking about it. I know I am. I guess I'll start caring again when there is something to care about instead of pictures to analyze. You all know I would NEVER! pull such a stunt!
I recently was reading something about Halo 2's multiplayer strategy. There aren't server lists, and when you assemble a team the system matches you with an equal team with relatively similar skill levels, then the game is served at random by one of the players. Then, if someone who's serving drops out, the game-serving duties just get passed to some other guy. This seems, in a word, bitchin'. I am unsure how it might work with the DS' strategy, however. I guess we'll figure it out eventually.
The problem with downloading things using the DS by going to a Pokemon movie is that Nintendo's supposed 17-22 target audience or whatever it was will probably never be caught dead or alive in a theater showing the Pokemon movie. But it's still novel, I guess, in that sort of "OMG I've caught the supar rare disgusting-sticky-floors-covered-with-popcornmon only available at this theatre!" way.
| Duck Gator? |
DS Craziness is this: You help other people play games. Like, maybe, they can't see a wall on their screen, and you can, and you send a message to them telling them how to get around the wall, like that episode of the Simpson's where they're telling asking him where he is and he's in another dimension and it's all three-deeyey. Maybe not like that at all.
Duck Gator
| Ferocious! |
This fellow's e-mail address had duck gator in it. That's funny.
I liked that episode of the Simpsons.
This column has an intensely disproportionate text-to-graphic ratio. Here let me fix it.
| This Guy's First Letter |
Dear Brandon, are you out of your F___ing mind???!!!
Erika Rochane is a beautiful and vibrant creature. Full of intelligence and strength.
Perhaps you are deserving of the pale, fake chested, anorexic pin-up blonds that so many find an affinity for.
She is kind and gentle and yet strong, truly ill deserving of the review of the ignorant you have given her.
Since you cannot find a suitable picture, I will grace your ignorance with one that should peak even your feeble imagination.
Don't worry hun, The fans got ya back! Nekomata 03
| aaaaaand |
I got this letter in response to some half-hearted comments I made about some girl for a column that was a while ago. Getting a letter that late on a topic that insignificant is one thing. Getting another shortly after getting that one is entirely another...
| This is the Second |
Dear Brandon:
I briefly perused your page and your readers seem to really value your opinion and work, so keep up the good work and I wish you well in your future endeavors.
Thank you for posting me in your "popular and well-wishing column" even though I was apparently not a recipient of the latter. That's the beauty of this country, freedom of speech, like it or not ~ everyone is entitled to their own opinion. This brings me to my challenge to you Brandon. You have voiced your opinion of my appearance and selected what you called "the most attractive picture of [me] that [you] could find". Why not allow your readers the opportunity to decide for themselves whether your taste match your intelligence. Post my response and website www.erikarochane.com if you dare :-).
Always,
Erika
| I Think |
Dear "Erika Rochane,"
It's not that I'm implying that a person of your grand stature (the stature grandness evidenced by the fact you have your own domain name) would never read my column and retroactively comment on an article that I sort of wrote a long time ago, but a person of your grand stature wouldn't.
Also, if I had my own domain name and e-mail address, as I saw you did on the website link you sent me, I wouldn't e-mail Nintendo videogame letters columns using a strange AOL e-mail address.
And to be quite frank I don't care if you're Erika Rochane or whoever.
But thanks for writing and sending me that seemingly web-cam picture. I'm sure it will fit nicely next to the personalized letter and web-cam picture that Michael Moore sent me when I mentioned him in the column.
--- Closing Comments --- Thanks for reading. Now I have to go to class and write an essay and pay some bills.
Since you're reading, it can't hurt to drop a super secret hint about Smith and my new secret project.
Your hint is that it is funny and may or may not involve a Koopa Troopa wearing a turban.
For next week, please write in and tell me why you read N-Sider. What is your favorite aspect of the site? What do you dislike most? Would you rather see weekly pictures of frog pornography than read us? Write!
Love Brandon.
| Got a letter? Send it to Brandon! |