[05.15] XIII - Ego, Opinion, Art and Commerce
It's been a crazy freaking week, which is both ordinary (see: my life) and completely, sublimely extraordinary (see: videogame industry). The potentials for discussion were frothing and numerous, begging to be looked upon with shining eyes and crazy devotion. But you guys didn't seem to care enough to write so I got three letters.
The consequences of this are a few-fold: I'm actually more inclined to do the column since I don't have 320987489 letters to wade through, but the column will be short and lack hilarious asides as per usual. Also I will piss and moan in a cry for more letters. Excuse me while I piss and moan.
Yeah that's the ticket.
Anyway, this week I issued a cry for E3 expectations and instead you wrote in with a weird-ass picture, some pro-terrorist letter, and a pretty short something something. Just read these quick and get to the bottom already.
| We Don't Need No |
I realized I didn't write in last time, so I feel.... cancerous, murderous, tree, ankle...habitat. Yep, that pretty much sums up my feelings right now.
So, another 'free topic' eh? Seems like that's all you ever do these days.
So, 'summer plan' story, eh? Well. I plan on.... OH NO! I'm tapped in summer schooL!
PsychoWiLL-
| Stinkin' Excuses |
You didn't write in last time. I began to wonder what had happened to you. I was scared and devastated and began cracking open the skulls of the people around me and feasting on the warm goo inside. It's okay though cause they're going to go to space and be spacemen. I know because Tyler knows.
All I ever do is free topic columns? Well suggest something then, mister MISTER.
| What the Crap |
A column without even a general topic? Oh Brandon, you do not know what you do.
You realize that I could submit a letter to you that covers every single minute detail of my girlfriend's vaginal walls as they were bleeding?
Or I could also possibly submit a doctoral dissertation about They Might Be Giants' "Particle Man"
Heck, I could even get Goat CX on your ass! (No pun intended.)
But upon reflection, I don't think I won't be doing any of those things. No, indeed I won't. Instead, I have opted to take this e-mail in a completley different direction altogether.
Like this picture. I mean, what the h-e-double hockey sticks?
Alan
| Yeah I Know |
In order of preference:
Doctoral dissertation of Particle Man, your girlfriend's vagina, goatse.
Also you are a sick man.
| Shiggy! |
Dean sucks. Reggie rules.
Sincerely,
Shigeru Miyamoto
| I Know |
| Oh Matto |
I was looking forward to E3, but stupid gay ass "Nintendo's going to suck" threads ruined it.
I hope a plane crashes into those people and kills them.
-Matto
| Domo Arigato |
Dammit Matto, why you gotta front.
--- Closing Comments --- In conclusion, Reggie is stronger than you can possibly imagine.
You send me little letters, you get a little column. Next week, write to me about your biggest surprises or disappointments with E3. Did you pee your pants when you saw the new Zelda? Did you pee your friend's pants when there was no new Mario announced? Did you pee Reggie's pants when he showed you the DS? Write me in for christsakes.
xoxoxoxo
Brandon <3
| Got a letter? Send it to Brandon! |