[02.10] VIII - Horse and Elephant Eatery
First of all, let me start off by saying that the response to Heart Containers this week was phenomenal. Absolutely phenomenal in its absolute wretched suckiness. It's as though I wrote in large print below my plea for letters "PLEASE! OH GOD!! I BEG YOU! DO NOT ACTUALLY SEND ME LETTERS! OH!" and you read it and thought "huh. he must really be serious." and didn't send me letters at all.
In your defense, readers, two of you were brave enough to send in letters about dreams you didn't actually have, and for that I thank you, even though that's like me asking for eggs and you sending me eggbeaters egg substitute. I like eggbeaters egg substitute, but not as much as real eggs dammit. I guess you guys just don't want to tell me about your dreams. That or you were all too busy asking version 4 out on a date to think about dreams. Maybe I'll think of a better topic by the time I get to the end of this column. Maybe I'll contract herpes. The first is more likely. Today.
| What's Scary is That JAMMA Rig |
They're stalking me. Hounding me. Ghosts from the past that I don't, can't acknowledge. Right around the corner of the mind, lurking in the dusty crevices. The dark places.
They cry to me from their stuffy lairs. Forgotten. I try to ignore the moans, try to repress the screams. I'm running, stumbling in the hall. The light is streaming in between the shutters, golden. Motes hang lazily in air, swirling madly as a careen past. The doors are all closed. What's behind... can't think about that.
But it's too late. Door in front of me. The Closet Door. My hand reaches out, I shout in the back of my mind to stop, to run. But my hands, my feet are deaf. The doorknob turns. And there they are.
My ancient NES games.
A wall of gray and speckled color. Towering above me in the Closet, they stare down at me. Growling. A low mutter ripples through them, gaining in strength. Now a roar that fills the world, a cry of judgement.
"Why have you forsaken us?"
I don't have an answer.
They howl in a inchoate choir of rage as I close the door. Shutting them out from light. Forever.
A dream that I never had, from Al.
| Why Fear Such Happiness? |
Lucid dreaming intrigues me and aside from all the blatantly obvious sexual connotation that insight is laced with, your dream in particular is interesting.
See in lucid dreaming, you can control what you do. So I'd go into your closet and play Nintendo games for hours and days and weeks and I'd sleep in class and who needs Game Boy Advance cause I've got this mind of mine.
Also, do you have a sister? That maybe lives down the hall? Yeah.
I mean, not that I'm interested in that sort of thing.
| Freezing Ass Wave Egg Storm |
I don't remember any of my dreams, much less the ones with game characters in them. But if I *did*, I hope it would feature Samus rolling into a ball and being swallowed by Yoshi, who is in turn swallowed by Kirby. However, the gained ability to shoot freezing wave-eggs from his ass would not save Kirby from being run over by Samurai Goroh's car.
Or something.
Now, look. There I went and gave away a perfectly good flash movie idea. I hope you're happy.
In other news: muffins.
~Axord
| I Like Muffins! |
Well that's pretty effing awesome. I've never understood exactly how Kirby could absorb powers though. Is there a default trait that Kirby just takes? Like it's just automatic that if Kirby would eat me he'd get my feet of fury and would suddenly be able to Dance Dance like a maniac? Or maybe if he got George W. Bush he'd obtain the ability to speak in broken sentences?
Oh this is exciting. EXCITING INDEED!
--- Closing Comments --- That's all the letters I got. All both of them. But one had a fun idea in it! Yes! Super fun!
For next week I want you to write in and tell me who you'd eat if you were Kirby, and what powers you'd take. Sexual references accepted but not actively encouraged. I also solemnly promise to print every letter I get that does not violate the FCC codes or whatever, so send me useless drivel! DO IT!
| Got a letter? Send it to Brandon! |