[02.17] IX - All Together Alone
It's been a fantastic, three-letter week for Heart Containers, and really, who the hell am I to complain? Nobody, that's who. After all, it's a one letter improvement over last week. Maybe OH JUST MAYBE I'll get four for the next column. And then I'd be the effing big-time like Pee-Wee in his not-as-hyphenated-as-this-intro Big Adventure. Speaking of Adventures, we were sort of talking about Kirby's this week. I'm sorry you missed it. I'm not below bullying you into writing letters, you jerks. I'll take your damned lunch money DON'T THINK I WON'T. I will. Okay maybe not. Here's your letters. Yeah.
| You've Reached the End of the Internet |
If I were Kirby, I'd absorb the Internet. That way I could read everyone's conversation's and email, and gain countless information... On the otherhand I'd have countless useless information...
PsychoWiLL -
| I Hated That Commercial So Much |
Not a bad idea, and actually the best one I got this week. It's also about three lines long which makes it easy to read. If I absorbed the Internet I think I'd try to focus on a select few sites. Like the ones in the history that you delete so your mom doesn't see them.
You know, those. I mean, the Irish cooking recipes I look up in my own free time are my own damned business, yeah?
| Shorts are Comfy |
If I were Kirby I'd try and eat myself and see what happens. I'd probably implode infinitely and create a massive rift in the space/time continuum resulting in a spacial anomaly that CONSUMES TIME ITSELF!!! Or maybe I'd just eat an orange and make my own orange juice...tasty!
Blithering_Madman
| And Easy to Wear |
Oh man last night I was watching this episode of Cowboy Bebop as it sauntered casually across my television that's used mainly for Adult Swim, and during this episode Ein was wearing a wig. I was like "that's the cat's pajamas" and also "hey that Ein's the bee's knees" and so I traveled to where-ever it is that show takes place and I stole him. No joke! So I brought him back home and I've been using him like a pillow for a few hours now. He's really soft and nice but he is sort of starting to smell a little bit. For some sort of solution to this problem, I turned to my friends Sifl and Olly. Now Olly's not really the brightest guy but he knows this great television salesman named Precious Roy. Precious Roy isn't always the most reliable guy but he hooked me up with these T.V. diapers they're called and they've been working charmingly. As it goes, they're microwave safe and are super-absorbent so you don't really need to change them for days. Me and Ein have been wearing these same T.V. diapers for a couple weeks now based solely on the fact that the space/time rift allowed me to go back to a few weeks ago and get Ein again so I could have two Eins. And let me tell you there's nary an odor although I am feeling a bit moist in the land down under. But have you thought about how it's even possible? The space/time rift you propose. If you ate yourself and created a time/space rift, how could you even exist to eat yourself and create the rift? You raise massive questions which can only be answered by the scientific canon on timetravel, timecube.com. Also the Back to the Future movies, but they're less insane. And contain more Christopher Lloyd. My Philosophy professor reminds me of Doc. Less insane though. Oh man a few minutes ago I was writing this response to some reader's letter about Kirby eating himself but it got deleted so I went back through time using the rift and I got it back. I don't think it's a good idea that there're now two of me and three little dogs wearing diapers though.
God, that's some good crack right here.
| OMGBBQ HAXOR |
j00 f00! If I was Kir-Bee, I would eat Mister man. (that thumb) So that I would have his Man-Tastic abilities. Ands I eat a ghost, and then I would be Mantasm. And it would just be the Bomb, jo?
Lambert
| LOL FBI JFK |
what
--- Closing Comments --- So that's the end of the column. I bet you're missing the days when you could cruise on over to N-Sider and read several letters from your gaming fellows aren't you? I know you are. So here's the deal and it works like this:
If you just take a moment, right after you're done reading these closing comments, and click that link down there, the one that says to send me an e-mail, and you type some things in the window that shows up, and you click send, then I will print your letter next week. I am not joking. That's all you have to do. It's the equivalent of begging. But really, I'm begging FOR you because I want you to have fun. The more that you have fun sending letters, the more fun you'll have when you read the column. It's like a swap meet. You swap letters for entertainment. Also kind of like STDs. But they're made out of fun.
So in conclusion, send me anything. OMG BYE 2 U!!!?!
| Got a letter? Send it to Brandon! |