The following four games have a few things in common. They're all free. They all take roughly five to ten minutes to fully experience. They will have minimal impact on your computer (both in size and processing power consumption). And most importantly, discussing them at all without playing them first will spoil a significant part of the experience.
So, go ahead and play them right now and then read on for my thoughts on these brilliant little freebies. I'll be waiting on the other side.
Okay, played them all? Probably not, but I really can't blame you. Still, I thought I'd give everyone a chance before I started spewing off about them.
The basic premise of ROM CHECK FAIL is that you have acquired a ROM with a bunch of classic games on it. (Un)fortunately for you, the ROM check failed and the games are all bugging out and mixing together, creating a cacophony of game mechanics, layouts, backgrounds, audio and enemy types. While you might be thinking along the lines of a WarioWare game, this clash of classic games and rapid changing is merely a vessel for the genius of blending the game rules of one avatar and the mechanics of another game world where it could be horribly overpowered, vulnerable, or even completely useless.
It's really fun watching as your helpless Space Invaders ship is caught between two cars on a Spy Hunter map, as a rock from Asteroids comes careening towards it. It's certainly a twisted kind of fun, but you eventually learn to set yourself up in positions that are less vulnerable. And as I mentioned previously, it works both ways. You'll also see times where you can walk across the sky of a Super Mario Bros. level as Pac-Man with impunity.
It really highlights some of the stranger quirks of old game design and how limited they were in their rule-sets. You'd never imagine yourself getting frustrated at the ship from Defender not being able to shoot upward until you've played this game.
I find it really impressive that this game was developed by one guy using the Quake 2 engine source code as a base. I find it even more impressive that he created a first person game where not only do you not shoot anyone, you actually get shot for the sole purpose of progressing the narrative. With no shooting to be done, the game primarily focuses on platforming with a couple of fairly non-impacting puzzles that involve interacting with the environment and performing various tasks.
Telling the tale of some sort of spy over the course of a couple missions, it does a fine job of utilizing the strengths of first-person, silent narrative. For a game that appeared to have absolutely no story whatsoever, I was happily surprised to discover a great amount of implicit storytelling. It's not like the story is deep or complex, but it's for that very reason why the method used has such an impact. It allows everything to unfold and develop in your mind, rather than explicitly beating you over the head with it to the point where you tune out.
The finale of the game, which is mostly a chase scene with some really nice set pieces, ends with you falling to your death after being shot by the mysterious woman who stole your camera. Time slows to a crawl as your descent is interspersed with short clips of your life. Memories of your time as a spy are thrown up, followed by a seemingly tender moment with a woman who might be the one who shot you and then it finishes off with some people running on a race track.
It all sounds really terrible when I spell it out here, and that's kind of the point. It's really only worth it when you experience it and interpret it for yourself.
Don't Shit Your Pants is an adventure game about trying to not defecate while you're wearing your pants. You've got forty seconds to try and at least get your pants off. Making it to the toilet with your pants off is considerably better.
It also has achievements, which serve as a form of carrot to be digested. Of course, the real fun—as with most classic adventure games—is just in playing around with various text inputs and trying to be clever in order to see what little bits the developer had laid out. For instance, pull on the door and nothing happens. Pull on the door harder and the level of exertion causes you to shit your pants.
There's not much else to it, really. Hell, the real spoiler is in the title, when you think about it. I mostly just wanted to include this one because because of the name and the fact that it required no download.
I had previously discussed this game on the forums, but the thread really didn't garner much attention. I'm not really expecting this to garner more attention, but the concept just gives me such a great desire to talk about it that I can't help but expound upon it here.
It's a multi-directional shooter, similar to Geometry Wars—or Robotron, for the older types. With each subsequent level, you're faced with wave after wave of enemies in increasing volume. The enemies always show up in the same pattern, which may seem like a bit of a limitation, but there's a reason for it which should soon become clear. The "twist" is that when you die, you start over and a version of your previous self is resurrected on screen, following along in the exact same movement and shooting pattern you took. Each time you die, your previous attempt is added to the mix (i.e., the effect stacks).
One of the better aspects of this is that it inherently scales well for players of different skill levels. You'll always be able to get through a level, but it may take you a little longer if you're not very good. Furthermore, you still have to survive in order to complete the level, so it's not like a monkey mashing the controller/keyboard—unless given infinite time—would be able to make its way through. Despite being killed repeatedly, you'll find that you can strategically plot your routes in order to make it further on your next attempt.
For those who are more experienced with eight-directional shooters, you'll find that the waves of enemies eventually become intractable on a single life. The challenge then becomes how to complete the level in as few lives as possible.
If this sort of thing interests you in the slightest, I highly recommend checking out Scott Sharkey's Freeloader blog, Kongregate, and TIGSource. If you're really looking for some interesting stuff, have a look at the demoscene to see what people have managed to do with crazy size and space limitations.
Feel free to let me know what you find!
So, go ahead and play them right now and then read on for my thoughts on these brilliant little freebies. I'll be waiting on the other side.
this is me waiting for you
Okay, played them all? Probably not, but I really can't blame you. Still, I thought I'd give everyone a chance before I started spewing off about them.
ROM CHECK FAIL
It's really fun watching as your helpless Space Invaders ship is caught between two cars on a Spy Hunter map, as a rock from Asteroids comes careening towards it. It's certainly a twisted kind of fun, but you eventually learn to set yourself up in positions that are less vulnerable. And as I mentioned previously, it works both ways. You'll also see times where you can walk across the sky of a Super Mario Bros. level as Pac-Man with impunity.
It really highlights some of the stranger quirks of old game design and how limited they were in their rule-sets. You'd never imagine yourself getting frustrated at the ship from Defender not being able to shoot upward until you've played this game.
Gravity Bone
I find it really impressive that this game was developed by one guy using the Quake 2 engine source code as a base. I find it even more impressive that he created a first person game where not only do you not shoot anyone, you actually get shot for the sole purpose of progressing the narrative. With no shooting to be done, the game primarily focuses on platforming with a couple of fairly non-impacting puzzles that involve interacting with the environment and performing various tasks.
serving a glass of champagne
Telling the tale of some sort of spy over the course of a couple missions, it does a fine job of utilizing the strengths of first-person, silent narrative. For a game that appeared to have absolutely no story whatsoever, I was happily surprised to discover a great amount of implicit storytelling. It's not like the story is deep or complex, but it's for that very reason why the method used has such an impact. It allows everything to unfold and develop in your mind, rather than explicitly beating you over the head with it to the point where you tune out.
The finale of the game, which is mostly a chase scene with some really nice set pieces, ends with you falling to your death after being shot by the mysterious woman who stole your camera. Time slows to a crawl as your descent is interspersed with short clips of your life. Memories of your time as a spy are thrown up, followed by a seemingly tender moment with a woman who might be the one who shot you and then it finishes off with some people running on a race track.
It all sounds really terrible when I spell it out here, and that's kind of the point. It's really only worth it when you experience it and interpret it for yourself.
Don't Shit Your Pants
Don't Shit Your Pants is an adventure game about trying to not defecate while you're wearing your pants. You've got forty seconds to try and at least get your pants off. Making it to the toilet with your pants off is considerably better.
It also has achievements, which serve as a form of carrot to be digested. Of course, the real fun—as with most classic adventure games—is just in playing around with various text inputs and trying to be clever in order to see what little bits the developer had laid out. For instance, pull on the door and nothing happens. Pull on the door harder and the level of exertion causes you to shit your pants.
There's not much else to it, really. Hell, the real spoiler is in the title, when you think about it. I mostly just wanted to include this one because because of the name and the fact that it required no download.
Choke on my Groundhog, YOU BASTARD ROBOTS
I had previously discussed this game on the forums, but the thread really didn't garner much attention. I'm not really expecting this to garner more attention, but the concept just gives me such a great desire to talk about it that I can't help but expound upon it here.
One of the better aspects of this is that it inherently scales well for players of different skill levels. You'll always be able to get through a level, but it may take you a little longer if you're not very good. Furthermore, you still have to survive in order to complete the level, so it's not like a monkey mashing the controller/keyboard—unless given infinite time—would be able to make its way through. Despite being killed repeatedly, you'll find that you can strategically plot your routes in order to make it further on your next attempt.
For those who are more experienced with eight-directional shooters, you'll find that the waves of enemies eventually become intractable on a single life. The challenge then becomes how to complete the level in as few lives as possible.
Free-er, Faster, Easier
If this sort of thing interests you in the slightest, I highly recommend checking out Scott Sharkey's Freeloader blog, Kongregate, and TIGSource. If you're really looking for some interesting stuff, have a look at the demoscene to see what people have managed to do with crazy size and space limitations.
Feel free to let me know what you find!