Episode II EB Idiocy
By: Dean Bergmann
Welcome back my loyal readers; its just about that time for the second
incarnation of what I like to call: Confusions of a Gamer. But before we get
started, I think I should give a brief rundown for first time readers. What this
series of articles (does it count as a series yet since this is only the second
episode?) is, are stories based on real-life experiences that relate to gaming
or Nintendo in general. Due to the feedback from last weeks article (which
you can find summarized at the bottom of this page) the lovely staff here at
N-Sider has given the go-ahead to keep this as a weekly feature, apparently
updated on Saturdays for enjoyable weekend reading.Now, since most of us here are all gamers of some sort, chances are youve had to venture to a little store called Electronics Boutique. Keep in mind that Im in Canada, and our only real choices for video game purchases are EB, Toys R Us, and a place called Compucentre. Theres no fancy Software, etc. or GameStop or whatever other crazy stores are out there. Anyways, chances are youve shopped at an EB before. And if youve shopped at an EB, then it is a widely known fact of their idiocy and ignorance when it comes to answering questions properly.
If you know the back story to N-Sider at all, youll know that Fran Mirabella (formerly of IGNCube, now of IGNInsider) funds and operates our site. Back before the GameCube launched in 2001, IGN started the Educate the Retailers campaign. I of course, participated and took the entire booklet of info to EB. Dumbfounded they took the package and undoubtedly used it to keep a PlayStation2 kiosk from wobbling. What they did not know however, is I recorded the entire thing on audio which was later posted on IGN as probably one of the most comical pieces of my online-journalistic history.
Fast forward to May 10, 2003. Brenden arrives for our trip to E3 and we had earlier discussed getting a link cable for the flight/hotel Four Swords action. Our first, and most logical choice was Electronics Boutique (this is on our pre-e3 antics video released in the forums and on our VCD by the way), and we venture into the store.
Do you have any GBA Link Cables? Brenden asks. The EB employee proceeds to give us a Monster 3rd party link cable, and promptly says thats the only ones they carry. I pipe up and say We can go up to Zellers and get the official ones, she quickly replied with Oh you wanted the official ones?
Needless to say, they didnt have any official Nintendo GBA Link Cables, and it strikes me as odd that she wouldnt offer the ones of higher quality first. So that wasnt the best example but this next one youll just die for. Either itll be you laughing at me for being a mega-nerd, or you laughing at me because you realized that you do the exact same thing as Im about to outline.
Being media, and you being readers of online-media, we all get information before most print sources and stores; and because of that fact I absolutely love to go in and test the employees at my local EB on their various knowledge, or lack thereof. Remember the announcement for the Onyx and Crimson/Red GBA SPs coming to North America later this year? Well I trucked in and proceeded to ask the question What is the expected release date and price point for the Onyx GBA SP? Now, granted there isnt a release date (that I am aware of) yet, I wanted to see if they had even heard about the new colours. Apparently not, according to Electronics Boutique, those systems do not exist, and wont ever exist, because its not in their computer system! I asked them if there is an expected release and they proceeded to tell me that the only available colours were the Platinum and Cobalt Blue, no others, ever. I found it funny that she said ever, because I just left with a grin on my face.
I forgot to mention earlier that almost a year ago, before I got my job at the Cineplex Odeon (in the very same mall) I had an interview at EB. All was going well until they asked me what I thought about Napster. Napster?! Hasnt it been dead for like 3 years now? However, I replied saying that the company was not at fault as it was the users spreading the files; they were merely providing a service. Needless to say I didnt get the job the irony, an editor for an online-gaming media site isnt good enough to work at a game store. Oh well, life goes on.
Continuing the story, just last week I told a friend of mine, Ben (formerly of Tendogamers) about the idiocy of Electronics Boutique and having some experience with it himself, he agreed to ask the Onyx GBA question. I walked in with him and proceeded to browse the used GameCube section. Listening in, the conversation went as follows:
Ben> Do you happen to know the price and release date of the Onyx GameBoy Advance SP?
EB Employee> What system is that for?
Ben> Uh, the GameBoy Advance SP
EB Employee> Im not seeing it listed, let me check another source. You said its for the GameBoy Advance SP?
Ben> It is the GameBoy Advance SP. Its a new colour. They have a red one coming too
EB Employee> Where did you hear about this?
Ben> Well Im media its my job to know this stuff
EB Employee> Well we dont have it coming out here. I know its going to come out in Japan but not in North America
Ben> Nintendo just announced it.
EB Employee> No they didnt, its not coming out here.
We quickly left. I always find it weird when EB employees who either blatantly knows theyre wrong or are plain stupid, try to cover up their own mistakes by trying to make you look like an idiot for asking the question. She thought Onyx was a game, now granted that could be a pretty cool title but I really dont know what it is with these people. If any of you are EB employees, then I extend my pure grievance for you Im sure youre not as bad as the ones around here. The only reason I even applied for that job was to balance out the Xbox/PS2 surplus of fanboy employees with a little GCN goodness. Alas that did not happen and my life goes on.
Over the years, EB has been a constant source of frustration and angst. Ive tried various other questions about games (such as Eternal Darkness, and Final Fantasy to which I was told that Nintendo would never see another Final Fantasy game on their systems ever isnt that a hoot?) and Nintendo hardware. The only positive advice Ive ever gotten from EB was to not buy a VirtualBoy when it came out they told me it was a stepping stone from the SNES to what was then called the Ultra64.
Granted not all locations are this bad, over at another mall in the city, a former artist of ours, Kevin Freitas used to work at EB (this was somewhere along the lines of 3 years ago) and he really balanced out the stupidity, he balanced it to the point where the entire rest of the staff became GameCube lovers and eventually all got fired (no joke) at the same time coincidence? I think not!
In the end Im sure EB isnt totally a lost cause, however its stores like the one near me that are responsible for the teenage gamers between the ages of 12-15 who think that Grand Theft Auto 3 is the shrine of all videogames and that life is about hookers and drug-dealing. With that said, this article is coming to a close join me next week when I talk about my beefs with the gamers who think they know everything crowd. You know the type, they tell you that every game under the sun featuring a gun (yes that rhymed, shut up.) is cool and that everyone and their mom should play it? Yeah, those kids, see you guys (and gals) next week!
Now as I stated above, here are some of the horror stories I asked for last week. Which reminds me, if you have any EB idiocy or any other game-store related idiocy, dont hesitate to email me with it.
Primitivity?
Cotswold
The Nightmare of Young Gamers
Dean, first of all I would like to commend you on
writing that piece. Im glad somebody can stand up
and tell people what they believe in. I work for a
gaming site (it isnt popular yet and I dont want to
give out the domain), but sometimes what I write
sounds fanboyish or ignorant or it just doesnt flow
with the rest of the staff, and so I throw it out,
even though secretly I wish I could publish it.
Secondly, I would like to add that it isnt just the
younger gamers that do this, high school students (you
said it in your forum post) act like this too. Im 18
and my friends were the on again off again type gamer.
I eventually became the hardcore gamer and then
became the casuals. Whenever I talk to them they
talk about how Grand Theft Auto is the greatest series
ever and how Mario sucks. It makes me upset and I try
to go into the whole hardcore gamer mode, but it
doesnt work. I also notice how they dont care about
beating a game the regular way. They ask for codes
and for help. One time a guy even called me up and
asked me how to get a weapon and it took me about
twenty minutes to finish telling him how to do it.
Another thing I want to mention about the new high
school gamer is the fact that they just dont get the
difference between games. I own an Xbox, I bought it
for Halo and a DVD player, and a lack of something
else for Christmas, and basically one day my friend
found out that Metroid Prime was in first person.
This in itself is a double standard, he thought it was
third person and he said that all games in third
person suck! Well he takes the controller, I start
him in the frigate part of the game, and before he
even gets to the Queen Parasite he gets mad and says
this game sucks, its not like Halo at all! I go on
to tell him that it isnt supposed to be like Halo,
and he just looks at me like Im an idiot.
Then theres my experience with Final Fantasy X. Im
not an RPG gamer, and I own a PS2 but I never play it,
but the only time I ever saw the game being played I
was completely unimpressed. Five minutes worth of
battle and twenty minutes worth of FMV with a short
five second walk does not make a good game. At least,
thats not my definition of a good game. Then I sit
next to a gamer that Ive known for years, he used to
play with me on a daily basis and then we had a drift,
and he quit gaming for a while. He tells me about
Final Fantasy VIII (I think) and he explains that it
was amazing because the ending was a half hour long!
I about killed the guy because he said that was the
best part of the game.
Then of course Ill go back to Metroid guy. I already
discussed Halo well a while ago we had Halo night
for a great multiplayer experience. Before he
became good he whined about the rest of us being too
good. I did well, prior to our fourth member being
there I destroyed the two (they were new, and so was
I) by losing by three or four, they were a team and I
was just myself. Then we played free-for-all, and we
had to change the rules to teams and a special weapons
set for him so that he could win. Eventually he took
lessons to become good by learning to camp and
snipe. We take them on and Snipes sits back and camps
and he says hes good when I tell him that he sucks.
We switch games to Nightfire one night, a game Ive
played a bit, I didnt own it though, and I lead with
kills. He says the game sucks and then yells that we
have to go back to Halo. This to me is equal to your
cousins and asking for your help. I just want to
win, and if I cant win then Ill bend the rules so
that I can.
This actually brings me to my own cousins. A few
weekends ago we were sitting there waiting for my
grandparents, aunts and uncles, and parents to arrive
and I was watching them play a few sports games on the
PS2. My older cousin was destroying my younger one,
ages 19 and 14, and I saw another pattern. The
younger one couldnt beat him, and he knew he couldnt
beat him, so he asked for a different game. After
five games the guy realized he couldnt win, and
instead of improving he just gave up. I remember when
I was younger I would keep playing until I could at
least be equal to my brother.
Part of your problem though is that your cousins are
young. I started gaming at the age of 3, and I
watched my dad and brother play Atari, usually Donkey
Kong. We bought our NES when I was 5, the first time
I ever played Super Mario Bros., I asked my dad to
help me. Eventually when I was six or seven and
couldnt beat a really hard part I would ask my
brother. Big brother will you pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease
beat this for me? After a while he would and I would
go on playing. It was because I just didnt have the
necessary skill to beat certain games. While others
that we both couldnt I would just pop in my game
genie and have a good old time. I played for the fun
though, not to win. Then eventually I evolved and got
better. Then I stopped asking for help and just tried
and tried again. They might grow out of it Dean, if
not then you will hate them for life, just like I do
with all of my gaming friends and my younger cousin.
The one thing that almost all of these people have in
common is that they havent played games prior to the
Playstation era. I hope this has been insightful, or
at least make a few points to help illustrate your
point.
Chewie